This serial novel draft is posted bi-weekly on Tuesdays and Fridays. Comments are always welcome. I hope you enjoy it!
Tempest on the Mountain
Chapter 5
"I know what you're thinking," Adrienne whispered before Jake got too close. Charlie felt the heat rise in her cheeks. The girl couldn't possibly know what she was really thinking, could she? She almost missed Adrienne's words as Jake reached the fire pit.
"I'm not his girlfriend."
Apparently, Adrienne had read her mind. It took a few moments for the meaning to sink in, and finally Charlie realized she'd been standing there just staring at Jake as he sat on a large log with Adrienne now at his side. The girl was grinning up at her, and Charlie quickly dropped her gaze, grateful for the nearly complete darkness to hide her flaming face. Thankfully more of the hikers joined them then, sitting around the crackling fire and looking expectantly up at her.
Charlie stepped just outside the circle to gather up a box. "Smores, anyone?" She passed out small sticks, marshmellows, graham crackers and chocolate. Soon they were all talking and getting to know each other.
Charlie sat back and watched the interactions. Tanya Roberts and her husband, Nick, were playfully arguing over how long to roast the perfect marshmellow. They were in their late forties, she guessed, and reasonably fit. When she'd helped them with the tent earlier, she'd learned that Nick was a lawyer and Tanya a nurse, so they were using this trip to escape from job stress for a few days. They seemed normal enough, and happy to be reconnecting after dealing with impossible schedules.
Her gaze drifted over to the Wilsons. Mary Wilson was the complainer, and she'd done a good job of it on the trail up to the lake. Her husband Don appearred to ignore most of what she said, including whatever she was talking about just then. They were younger, maybe in their mid-twenties, and as far as Charlie could tell, they both came from money. Don seemed to be happy with the wild mountain surroundings, but it was obvious that he'd dragged Mary with him on this trip. She'd rather be somewhere with a shower and running water, from the snatches of conversation Charlie caught.
They were sitting near Amy Dyer and Brenda Small, two college friends who had taken Charlie's class the year before. They'd both been good students, and when Charlie had presented her data from last summer's trips, the girls had asked if they could come along this time, to experience it first hand. The girls had been quiet most of the hike up, watching and listening, but they seemed to be losening up a little now. Good. They should enjoy the vacation too, not spend every minute observing and recording.
Jake and Adrienne were the last two, and they sat together, Adrienne facing away from Jake. Was that a knife in his hand again? Charlie peered into the darkness, saw the blade flash a few times in the firelight as it moved near the girl's head. She leaned forward, preparing to go ask just what was going on, when it suddenly came to her. He was simply finishing the job he'd started earlier, cutting the rest of her hair so it would all be even. Charlie relaxed back into her seat, considering Adrienne's words earlier. She didn't think Jake could be Adrienne's brother or father, but if they weren't dating, then what were they to each other? Clearly there was some sort of connection between the two.
"Thank you, Professor." Nick Roberts stood in front of her holding Tanya's hand. "I think we'll hit the sack now."
Charlie nodded and smiled. "Good night - sleep well," she said as they walked off into the darkness. The Wilson's also decided to turn in.
"Is it safe to go to the bathroom?" Marry looked worried as she stopped by Charlie. Grinning, Charlie nodded.
"You should be fine - just use the area I told you, and make sure to bury the hole when you're done."
Mary looked up at her husband. "Will you come out there with me?" They moved away before Charlie could here his answer, but the ensuing mumble didn't exactly sound happy. She glanced at her students, giggling as they stood and waved at her before heading to bed.
Charlie stared into the fire. She let the flames crowd everything else out of her mind, the crackling hum blocking everything else out. The flames grew smaller, wood coals burning black and white as she sat mesmerized. This was her favorite part of hiking - watching the fire die down after everyone else had gone to their tents, basking in the glow and communing with nature.
"I can keep an eye on the fire if you want to get some sleep." A deep, rough voice brought Charlie out of her meditation, and sent the blood rushing through her veins. She raised her head, squinting to see in the dark after staring into bright firelight. Jake stood over her, his broad chest looking larger and more imposing from her position on the ground. Their eyes met, reestablishing that intense connection she'd been trying so hard to ignore. Charlie started to speak, but closed her mouth again. Words seemed redundant, and she held his gaze as he slowly lowered into a crouch beside her.




4 comments:
Oooo, the stars up above, a dying fire and that "connection". The scene is set for romance! :-)
Well, I was going for "lust", but I suppose romance will do... ;-)
Hey, let me know if you think this starts plodding, okay? I tend to write sparsely (not enough scene "setting"), so with this draft, I'm trying to add more description & get closer to the character's emotions. I'm finding that makes the plot develop a little slower, which will hopefully be okay. But I don't want to cross over the other line to "tedious" while I'm at it...
Critique #2- Marshmallow, not marshmellow. I know, it's a small thing, but editing is what I do for fun. *sigh* If I could only get a job doing it! LOL
Good story, so far. Once I catch up to where you are, I will tell you my overall feeing of the piece since I am reading it quicker than most of your followers at this point.
See, spell check doesn't catch *everything*...thanks! I do normally try hard to edit for spelling before I post - even though it's a rough draft, there's plenty of bad spelling online, no need to add more.
I'll be looking forward to hearing your thoughts on the piece as a whole, Michele. Maybe you should set up an online critique business? People do pay for that, you know...
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